Wounds as lessons and a shout-out to the Senioritas...

Every weekday morning I receive an email from Box of Crayons. The subject line reads, “Great Work Provocation” and often it’s not just about work and being a more effective manager or leader but about life. Sometimes there’s a quote and a prompt. Sometimes there’s a short video. More than once I have spent my commutation time thinking about that 6am email.

Yesterday’s statement, “Wisdom enters through the wound. Your scars are sometimes your greatest source of strength,” and question, “How can that insight serve you now?” was perfectly timed. Wally died a month ago, Debbie, three years ago today. 

I will start by saying I would amend the statement to, “Wisdom enters through the wound. Your scars are sometimes your greatest source of strength AND LEARNING.” I would also suggest we must be open to that learning. Wounds hurt. Growing hurts. Realizing we’re not always right or not as smart as we think we are, hurts. 

As I pondered this statement over the last day I realized this blog was conceived as a result of losing Debbie. Yes, I didn’t start it until after the 2016 election but ultimately my rallying cry LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOT came from struggling to understand my sister’s death in a meaningful way. As I have grown older and more mature I have become more comfortable with this idea of love. We’re Irish so growing up love was implied but as I watched my dad navigate dementia he did so with a heart full of love. Dementia is an awful disease. Love is a powerful answer. 

Not every wound is big. Not every wound is memorable but I believe strength and learning can happen if we’re paying attention.

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It is inevitable that when I think back to three years ago I think about the Senioritas. I have mentioned Deb’s friends before - they are without a doubt the essence of the life is random love is not “movement.” They all settled in Ramsey NJ, they all had boys about the same age, all the boys played baseball….randomness. But those mornings and afternoons spent cheering their kids on led to deep and beautiful friendships. They took take care of each other and from the moment we met them they have embraced us. Put simply, they continue to show up….for my 50th birthday, for my dad’s wake; we have dinner a few times a year and talk books and politics and other minutiae; Quinn the Great was gifted with a Jersey Girl pillow when she was born 15 months ago. Most importantly we share stories and laugh. We get to see Deb through the eyes of her friends (and not as the older sister who implored us to cross our legs, take our elbows off the table, chew with our mouth closed). Her world was big and her friends, loving. Thank you, Senioritas.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

Showing up

When you live with someone for thirty years you are bound to learn a thing or two. About yourself. About the world. Some things you may like, other things you may not. And sometimes you learn a lesson that makes you a better person.

Suann travels a lot. She owns her own company and if she’s not in trial she’s looking for the next trial. Because her schedule is irregular, she makes big efforts when she’s in town. Her philosophy is simple enough - show up. Not just to the birthday celebrations or the dinners out but to the hard stuff, too. Funerals, wakes, keeping sick friends company. If she can be there she will be.

I am an introvert so showing up (in person) doesn’t come as naturally to me but I was reminded of the power of showing up during my dad’s wake and funeral. As folks walked through the doors at the funeral home and church my heart filled with love: high school friends, college friends, work colleagues (past and present), former students, everyday friends. They showed up. They helped celebrate my dad and lightened my load. And it wasn’t just those who came to the wake/funeral but also those who took the time to send a card, write an email, reach out on Facebook, donate to the scholarship fund, text. As I said in more than one thank you note, I think Wally would be a bit embarrassed by the fuss but so very happy his kids are surrounded by kindness and love. Surrounded by friends who show up.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM