"Choose the filter you see the world with...."

I just spent 28 minutes with Michelle Obama and Stephen Colbert. She has been interviewed a lot since her book came out and yet I never get tired of hearing her story. She is smart and kind and hopeful. As readers know, I struggle with what I can do as a teacher to combat the craziness and uncertainty of the last two years. Mrs. Obama talked about choosing the lens we see the world with, about how it's hard to hate up close and that people, when you let them in and get to know them are kind and gracious and generous. When asked about her legacy, her answer was simple, to be remembered for bringing hope to young people. And there is my roadmap: choose a lens of love, let people in, spread hope.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

"Love as an action is more powerful than words...."

I do not know what tonight will bring. I cannot pretend to understand how or why there is such disconnect but yesterday I read an article about the nurse who treated Robert Bowers, the man who shot and killed 11 people at a synagogue in Pittsburg, and was reminded we all have choices. Registered nurse, Ari Mahler is the son of a rabbi and the kind of person we should all try and be like. Here are Ari’s thoughts on love (posted to his Facebook page when news outlets identified him):

"Love as an action is more powerful than words, and love in the face of evil gives others hope. It demonstrates humanity. It reaffirms why we're all here. The meaning of life is to give meaning to life, and love is the ultimate force that connects all living beings. I could care less what Robert Bowers thinks, but you, the person reading this, love is the only message I wish instill in you. If my actions mean anything, love means everything."

Choose love. Act with love. That’s a great blueprint for changing your world.


LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

Love is the antidote to fear

This whole LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOT thing began two years ago when Donald Trump was elected. It was my small attempt to put a dent in the angry and hateful rhetoric that, suddenly it seemed, was being expressed with abandon or understanding of consequences. Sadness is an understatement when I realize that as we approach another Election Day, the rhetoric is worse and now accompanied by violence. Despite my nervousness about what may happen next, I still believe in the power of love. If only in my little corner of the world.

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A couple of weeks ago I was working with a first grade class to generate a list of iPad rules. Right off the bat kids mentioned walking from place to place and keeping food and drinks away. Then a student raised her hand and said, “Don’t throw it in the fire.” When you work with kids you have to be a bit nimble when trying to rephrase an answer that doesn’t quite fit the narrative so after a short pause I said, “I think what you’re saying is ‘keep your iPad in a safe place’.” She agreed and I thought we were good to move on. We weren’t. While the kids were stuck on what they should do with their iPad during a fire, I assured them there was only one thing I would be concerned about were a fire to break out. The young man sitting at my feet quietly and correctly answered, “Us.” 

“Exactly,” I said, “your safety is always the most important thing to me. iPads can be replaced, you can’t.”

It was at this moment a young lady, with a head like an owl, sitting in the middle of the group, turned that head right around, looked at me and pronounced, “You love me!”

“Yes, I do love you,” I said. 

Young Amy would have been reluctant to express this sentiment but older Amy doesn’t think twice.

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I fear for those who are easily labeled because of skin color or last name; mannerisms or odd behaviors. And because love is the antidote to fear, I will keep on talking about it and hope the young people I come in contact with every day understand love is the answer. Always.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

55 for 55

Connection is a common theme here on the LIRLIN blog. Back in April of 2017 I wrote, “Connection is vital to our own growth and we have a responsibility to find people to connect with so that we can move through the world together, hopefully making it a better place.” 

I am married to the ultimate connector. Suann is amazing when it comes to spending time with folks and finding that which connects them. She can do this just about anywhere: fourteen years ago we were at a first communion of one of my students and Suann discovered she worked in the same nursing home (in Latham NY) where the aunt of another guest was a resident; eleven years ago at a colleague’s wedding (in Westport, Connecticut) Suann ended up dancing with a woman who worked with Suann’s aunt and grandmother in a hospital in Troy NY; in Hawaii, yes, Hawaii, we were sharing a table at a luau and Suann met a young man who lived in San Diego and knew an old college friend of Suann’s. The list goes on. Put simply, Suann loves people. Which is interesting since I’m much less of a people person. I enjoy people, sure, and while I’m not shy, I am an introvert. Time spent socializing requires equal time recharging and cogitating. I have become very comfortable hanging out at home. With Suann. With the dogs. That’s not to say I don’t have meaningful relationships - I have wonderful folks in my life, who make me think, who make me laugh, who push me to be better, who believe in me and my belief that love is the answer.

I turned 54 last week and was reminded by Facebook that in my 50th year I visited more than 50 independent bookstores. It got me thinking about my 55th year. Was there anything I could challenge myself to do, outside my comfort zone, that would enrich my life purposefully? 

I’m still working on the details but here’s where I’m starting: my address book is full of people I send Christmas cards to but don’t see, people I have spent time with previously but haven’t, for whatever reason, seen enough of recently; people who, whether they know it or not, have all been an important part of my journey. My goal? 55 meaningful connections from the past.

Why? Because connections help us grow, they help us heal, they remind us we are not alone in the world. But mostly because my life has been full of wonderfully kind humans. It's time to reconnect.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

On Tuesdays and Saturdays we gather for love...

For the last several Saturdays a group of folks has gathered to do what is affectionately called an MLV-K. The make-up of the group changes from week to week based on who is around but the mission is always the same - walk a 3.2 mile loop from the neighborhood elementary school, passing the home of friend MLV twice. Who is MLV? She’s a wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and friend. She also happens to be in a fierce battle with metastatic breast cancer.

When things took a turn in the spring, MLV’s friends got together and decided to move beyond roast chickens and ziti casseroles. They made plans to meet up twice a week. On Tuesdays there’s a garden party. For thirty minutes folks convene on MLV’s lawn and chat. Drinks are shared, stories are told. Love flows. On Saturdays, they walk.

This Saturday was a little different. The goal was to gather the largest crowd yet - 48 friends to celebrate MLV’s upcoming 48th birthday. It rained, as the saying goes, like cats and dogs but people still showed up, umbrellas and raincoats in hand. 

In all, more than 50 of us set out from school, the same school where MLV built many of these friendships and volunteers for just about any job. We traipsed through the neighborhood, making our way to house number 35 where we stopped and sang happy birthday in the rain as MLV and her family watched from the porch. If they ever wondered about their daughter’s, sister’s, wife’s or mother’s place in the world, they shouldn’t. Just as rain fell from the clouds yesterday morning, love flowed from our hearts.

Some days it seems like the world is devoid of kindness. Not on Tuesdays and Saturdays, though. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, kindness is bountiful as we gather for MLV and her family. On Tuesdays and Saturdays we gather for love. 

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

Words matter....

I recently read and thoroughly enjoyed, Cyclone,  a middle grade book by Doreen Cronin (she of Click Clack Moo: Cows that Type plus a slew of others). And since it’s the 21st century, when I was done, I went to her blog to see what she had to say. This sentence from her reflection on writing Cyclone, has given me pause: 

“My wish is that readers think about words – which ones limit them and which ones are opportunities; which ones define them and which ones they might want to let go of.”

How’s that for a challenge?

I was reminded again how word choice matters when I attended a one day conference on books and reading. The morning keynote speaker, Annie Ward, is the assistant superintendent for the Mamaroneck Public Schools*. She, along with Stephanie Harvey co-wrote the book, From Striving to Thriving: How to Grow Confident, Capable Readers.

dictionary.com

How great a word is striving? Not struggling, not in need of intervention. Striving. 

This isn’t just about students or kids, though. Think about this - I often describe myself as struggling to lose weight but if I change struggling to, “I am striving to lose weight,” people around me (hopefully) will also shift their thinking. Weight loss becomes less about what I’m not doing and more about what I am doing.

Struggling limits. Striving provides opportunities. 

Words matter.

————————————

*For those of you who believe in signs: the conference I mentioned was on July 19th, what would have been my Dad’s 92nd birthday. When I heard about it back in March I hemmed and hawed about going but a very wise colleague said, “We’re going. It’s a perfect way to celebrate your dad, the teacher.” 

The conference was a whole day of book and reading love. Annie Ward, the aforementioned keynote speaker, works in MAMARONECK - the district where Wally was the first male elementary school teacher, the district where he was an assistant principal and later a principal. He was beloved. 

At the end of the day I did something, a bit un-Amy like and decided to introduce myself at the book signing. I explained who dad was, his many roles in the district, how we had just awarded the first Walter Coupe Scholarships to MHS seniors and how happy I was I decided to spend his 92nd birthday at the conference, that he would have loved her message. It was a delightful conversation. Annie Ward could not have been more gracious.

That Pops, he is the gift that keeps on giving.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

Dear Diary....

I don't keep a diary but if I did....

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Dear Diary,

Tonight was terrific. Eleven months after Pops died we awarded the first Walter Coupe Scholarships to three seniors from Mamaroneck High School. Clare, who has been the organizer and liaison to the district, did a great job explaining who dad was and why providing an opportunity for first generation college students was important to him. Coolest part? We get to do this 19 more times. Yup, our friends and family donated enough money to keep the scholarship going until 2037.

Another cool part? On a Wednesday in May, I was able to hang out with my siblings. We had pizza at Sals (would have gone to Walter’s for hot dogs but it was raining) before heading over to the festivities. We are all so different from one another - fiercely independent and opinionated but still we laugh - with each other and at ourselves. 

When I told people what we were doing tonight I got goosebumps and maybe a little teary. I am so proud to be Walter Coupe’s daughter, so proud to be a Coupe. We are far from perfect but still we try because while life is random, love is not.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

Signs and Stories

I wrote this post a month ago, not quite sure where I was going. Was it finished? Did it need editing? Should I post it? Truth be told, "BLOG" has been on my to do list for weeks and because I want to be able to put a check next to it, here it is. Maybe there's something in here for you. Maybe not. Either way, thanks for reading.

I talk a lot to birds. Cardinals especially, twice a cooper hawk. As I think I’ve mentioned before, my mom loved cardinals - willing them to her bird feeder every day when we were kids. About ten years ago my car was dive bombed by cardinals but usually she is more subtle. Just last week a cardinal was hanging out on a fence around a dumpster. He hung around long enough for me to notice and to reset, to remember where I come from and who I am. 

As for the Cooper hawk. The spring after my sister Debbie died I was working at my desk which is right by sliding doors to our deck. I looked up to see a hawk sitting on the railing. In all the years we had lived at 297, no hawks had been sighted and yet if there wasn’t glass between us I could have reached out and touched this magnificent bird. It took about a minute to make the connection, “Hey, Deb,” I said. 

My mom is a cardinal, Deb definitely a hawk. 

My brother has a gardenia gifted to our mother more than 40 years ago. When it blossoms we always receive a photo. My sister has a plant from my mom’s wake. She knows when it blooms something wrapped in love is about to happen. For my friend Karen it’s fireflies and for another friend, Jen, it’s dimes. 

And sometimes things happen and I am left to conjure up some meaning. 

A few weeks ago I was alerted there was a mass being said for my dad at St. Catherine’s, the church my parents joined when they moved to Connecticut. They have a beautiful chapel where they say weekday liturgies. 

The chapel is comfortable and familiar to me - my parents renewed their wedding vows there on their 40th anniversary and when they renovated the chapel my dad made a donation in my mom’s memory that paid for the cross that sits atop it.

As I sat there waiting for mass to start I was thinking about two very dear friends. One whose dad passed away a week earlier and another whose dad had entered Hospice that afternoon. I only met Peggy’s dad a couple of times but his doppelgänger was at church - a big Irish guy with a shock of white hair sat across the aisle from me. Another man walked in and looked very similar to Jen’s dad (or at least my memory of her dad) - great goatee, dapper dresser, on the small side. A third older gentleman walked in, knocked on the altar as he passed by, did a very slow genuflect and when the entrance hymn finished he kept singing. This guy didn’t look anything like my dad but oh man, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what my dad did when he attended daily mass. I was filled with love and compassion. 

(This is where I get lost a bit...)

I don’t know what it all means but I know these three men loved their families so very much. I also know the power of stories. Signs and stories. Look for them, share them.Listen to others. Keep your heart open. We are in this together. 

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

Home is what fills your heart

Recently I have been thinking a lot about the nature of home. It started off simple enough - because of dinner plans, Suann got off the train in Larchmont, NY. My home town. And because I don’t like  to be late I arrived in plenty of time to drive around. While I occasionally meet up with childhood friends, it’s been thirty plus years since I’ve traveled the once familiar routes. I didn’t remember all of the street names but I did remember the turns and where I played with my classmates. I drove past 714 Forest Ave where we lived until I entered kindergarten, then past Murray Avenue School where I attended kindergarten thru 6th grade and played hundreds of stickball games with my brothers and then 142 Murray where I lived until moving out in my early twenties. All the while, memories filled the car. And gratitude. Those places, they are home. 

That night we had dinner with our friend Susan. Susan has known me for almost 40 years. She is home.

The next day a package arrived from Aruba Aloe. My mother discovered this great lotion the first time she and my dad visited Aruba. The beachy smell is home.

The last couple of weeks I have made a lot of Irish Soda Bread - the crank of the sifter, the handful of this and a sprinkle of that, is home.

I started this post a couple of weeks ago, not quite sure where I was going, thinking people far smarter than I am have probably written about the meaning of home. Each time I thought about it I kept returning to the old proverb, “Home is where your heart is.”

I’m 53 and as a wife, sister, in-law, aunt, great aunt, teacher, friend, aspiring poet/writer, beachcomber, reader, athlete, my heart lies in multiple places and because of this I’ve done some tweaking. From now on I’m going with, “Home is what fills your heart.”

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

Leader of the Pack

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

“I have always found it isn’t so much as what we put in our mouths as what comes out of our mouths.”

Today I am reminded of something a very wise colleague. Sylvia is Greek Orthodox and before she retired was the staff sage - kind, loving, thoughtful. When someone asked her about the Lenten practice of not eating meat on Fridays, she simply said, “I have always found it isn’t so much as what we put in our mouths as what comes out of our mouths.”

As I was cogitating on this I came across a Facebook post by the poet Mary Oliver and her reminder that we spread a little love and gratitude today...

I HAVE JUST SAID

I have just said

   something

ridiculous to you

   and in response,

your glorious laughter.

   These are the days

the sun

   is swimming back

to the east

   and the light on the water

gleams

   as never, it seems, before.

I can't remember

   every spring,

I can't remember 

   everything - 

so many years!

   Are the morning kisses

the sweetest

   or the evenings

or the inbetweens?

   All I know

is that "thank you" should appear

   somewhere.

So, just in case

   I can't find

the perfect place- 

   "Thank you, thank you."

            Mary Oliver

Happy Valentine’s Day - be kind, love as best you can.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

“I think it’s our job to love the world."

There is a new book out titled Love. It is written by award winning author, Matt de la Peña and illustrated by Loren Long. It is simple and beautiful. It celebrates moments. It tries to explain what love looks like. But love can be complicated and de la Pena and Long acknowledge that in their book. And because they took that leap questions arose. 

Instead of me explaining, I offer you the experts. Here are two links. The first one is a column written by de la Pena for Time Magazine titled “Why We Shouldn’t Shield Children from Darkness.” The second one, "Why Children's Books Should Be a Little Sad" and also in Time, is by Kate DiCamillo, written in response to a question de la Pena posed in his column.

Read the columns. Buy the book. We might not be authors but I believe Kate is correct when she says, “I think it’s our job to love the world.”

The name Kate DiCamillo might sound familiar as I wrote about her over the summer. You can read that entry here.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

What would Bunny do?

Our mom, affectionately known as Bunny, would have been 87 today. 87. When I think about what she has missed in the almost twenty years she has been gone (grandkids, marriages, Quinn the Great.....) I get teary but then, because I am my father’s daughter, I pivot and think about what she has inspired. More than once over the years we have asked ourselves, “What would Bunny do?”

She wasn’t perfect by any means but as an only child whose father died when she was 4 and was subsequently shuttled between family members, Bunny somehow knew what she wanted when it came to having a family of her own: the more the merrier, lots of celebrations and love. All reasons she and Wally were a perfect match.

Sure Bunny has missed a lot but I’m fairly certain she would be awfully proud of how we’ve carried on. 

(This is one of my favorite Bunny photos. It was taken the fall before she got sick when she was the healthiest she had ever been. She was out for a walk in the woods with Clare and Mark. All I see is joy.)

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM