Sue's Shell

I won't say I got the best gift but I was the recipient of the most thoughtful gift.

Sue and I have worked side by side for fourteen years. I was the new media specialist, she was the seasoned media assistant who transferred over and help the rookie. Needless to say, she does more than put up with most of my crazy ideas, she makes them happen. We have hosted 100 guest readers to celebrate Dr. Seuss' 100th birthday, hosted a Readers' Cafe every December for kids to sit back and remember the joy of reading, we have taken apart and put back together our 3D printer more than once. I'm lucky to work with Sue, not just because she usually says yes but because she is so good at what she does. 

One day last June Sue went home with a sore throat. By the next morning she was in ICU, diagnosed with streptococcus pneumonia. The woman who never took a sick day was suddenly very, very sick. During the next two weeks, while I found out how much work goes into shutting down the media center for the summer (a lot!), Sue's husband, Mike, was introduced to the concept of life is random, love is not. How else do you explain the outpouring of support our school community showered on their family? Oh sure, Mike knew Sue went off to work every day but he had no idea how beloved she was. 

Sue was released from the hospital and part of her rehab was to walk. Each day she walked a little further. 

"My goal was to walk to Grass Island the "long way" which was a huge distance to me at the time. After lots of walks I finally made it there! Every day after that I would pick up a shell to prove to myself that I could do it. The shells were not perfect in any way but to me they were worth a great deal."

I was gifted with one of those shells and it is perfect - a perfect reminder that:

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

"We are the nice school...."

The other morning I dropped the boys off at the spa (and when I say boys I mean the dogs and when I say spa I mean groomer). There was a woman behind the desk I didn’t recognize but that didn’t matter because she recognized my school spirit wear. ”I went there,” she said, “it was the best school. Everyone was so nice.” She looked to be in her mid to late thirties so I figured I might know some of her former teachers. She rattled off the names and I know exactly why she has fond memories - because her former teachers are nice people but it’s more than that. 

When I was hired in 2001 the principal (one of this woman’s former teachers) told me, “Amy, we are the nice school.”  I took it as both a statement of fact and as marching orders. This is who we are - now go be it. I was a bit lost before I started this job but those marching orders focused me and the school community welcomed me with open arms. Nice was an understatement.

I shared my “we are the nice school story” and how great it was to hear this attitude, this prevailing kindness was part of the school's history. But it’s not just the staff, it’s the families. Proof in point? As it turns out, this woman’s dad was active in local politics and I emailed him every year when we had our reading celebration, inviting him to share a favorite book. And every year he responded, “I would be delighted to come and read.” His kids had not attended this school in twenty plus years but their family will always be a part of the school community, just as every family or staff member that have walked the halls.

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

"Hi Joey"

The other day Suann picked up the phone and called her friend of more than 30 years. Yes, you read that correctly, she used the phone to make a phone call.

Joey is Suann’s college roommate. And when I hear those two words, “Hi Joey” it makes my heart smile. Joanne, as the rest of the world calls her, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a couple of months ago. She underwent surgery and just finished her second round of chemo. Suann’s call was as much a pep talk as it was a chance for them to go back to a time when life wasn’t so serious. There was some laughter and the usual line, “Enough about me, what do you think about me,” from Suann. They talked about Joanne’s aunt who recently passed away and whether or not Suann could make it back from Albuquerque for the funeral. There may have been some preliminary planning, too, for a celebration after the 6th and final round of chemo. But most of all there was love. Love that wouldn’t properly be expressed in an emoji or a quick text. It was a reminder to me, the queen of emoji texts, that sometimes picking up the phone is the best way to show our love. So that’s what I’m going to do - call my friend Brigid, “Hi Buff.”

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOTTM

Fall 2016

My name is Amy. I am a 52 year old lesbian. I’ve been with Suann for almost thirty years, officially married in 2010. We have four dogs, own a home, are gainfully employed, have brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews and parents who love us. We send out holiday cards every year, always with a pun. We create art and try and spread a little joy every day. We like to laugh. I think the world is a little nicer because we’re in it. 

• Our dad lives at The Osborn, a senior living facility in Rye, New York. He started off in assisted living; a few months ago he moved to the H.O.P.E. Center, the Osborn's memory unit. He recently had a stroke and as I watch the kindness and love bestowed upon him, it is a daily reminder that LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOT

• The daughter-in-law of a dear friend and work colleague was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer in July. She and her husband have an eight month old son and are struggling mightily to make ends meet. Being sick is expensive, especially when you are unable to work. Asking for help isn't always easy but sometimes it's necessary. When I say the folks we work with have been generous, it is an understatement. LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOT

In an effort to counteract the occasional sick feeling I get in my stomach - the feeling that comes with being labeled by ignorant people as being less than because I am gay or because I am a woman; the feeling that comes with reading political headlines, both local and national, I have decided to start a movement. 

LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOT

Those six words have ben hovering in my mind and heart for the last couple of years. As I struggled to understand my oldest sister’s cancer diagnosis and subsequent death, I looked around and realized the randomness of life is best dealt with by surrounding oneself with love. Debbie's friends are a perfect example. The Senoritas, as they dubbed themselves, met through their kids - sons playing sports together years earlier. Once the diagnosis came down, they kept a close eye on Deb and her family. They had standing game nights, shared dinners, and never forgot to laugh. They have great laughs, those women do. And when Deb lost the cancer battle, the Senoritas extended the love to the whole Coupe family. LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOT

The same summer Deb passed away, Emily, a former student at the elementary school where I teach was killed in a horrific boating accident. I watched from afar as the family was bathed in love. The commitment Emily's family and friends have made to increasing boating safety and keeping her memory alive through the Emily Catherine Fedorko Foundation is further proof, LIFE IS RANDOM LOVE IS NOT

Two other examples are happening as I write this:
As friends have dealt with their own losses, illness and adversity, I have shared my theory about the randomness of life and the certainty of love. It seems to resonate with most, perhaps because we are all looking for answers. Am I speaking of karma? Maybe but I am my father's daughter so I'd like to believe we are made up of love, the key is to first recognize it and second, to share it. That's what this is all about.

I have no idea how to start a movement, nor do I know exactly what I want to accomplish but this is my first step. A website. And  bracelets. Every movement needs a bracelet.

And a blog. I've created a blog.....thanks for stopping by.